Slay My Flesh, Awaken My Heart

Being on my blog again seems so foreign to me.  It has been over eight months since I have written a single,  solitary word let alone a blog entry.  So much is crowding my thoughts and my heart.  Since the beginning of this year there has been a small voice in the back of my head speaking to me about that very thing.  It is getting louder now and can not be ignored any longer.  I knew that I had let so many things come between my walk with my Lord and my walk in the world.  I do not mean that I have gone out and fallen into a sin, merely that I have grown somewhat lukewarm in some areas of my life.  I was reminded the other day, after watching a video on  You Tube,  Crazy Love ~ by Francis Chan  In God’s Word, the Lord says to the church of Laodicea:

14 “And to the angel of the church of the Laodiceans[a] write,

‘These things says the Amen, the Faithful and True Witness, the Beginning of the creation of God: 15 “I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. 16 So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot,[b] I will vomit you out of My mouth. 17 Because you say, ‘I am rich, have become wealthy, and have need of nothing’—and do not know that you are wretched, miserable, poor, blind, and naked— 18 I counsel you to buy from Me gold refined in the fire, that you may be rich; and white garments, that you may be clothed, that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and anoint your eyes with eye salve, that you may see. 19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. Therefore be zealous and repent. 20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.  (KJV)

The word ‘lukewarm’ hit me so between the eyes.  I have, at times in my walk with Jesus, felt the longing in my heart for  His presence.  That longing led me to seek Him in desperate prayers and sacrifice for Him.  I always found Him just as He said I would and He always filled me when I emptied myself to receive Him.   To have experienced that filling leaves you so much more aware of a distance that can creep in when you finally have reached a place of peace and rest in Jesus.  It is so subtle and happens over a period of time.   We allow the distance into our relationship with Him because of noise around us, our flesh and the enemy, who is a master at subtly.  I could make excuses as to why the distance happens but when I say them out loud to myself they sound so lame.    Even now at this place I am today there is no good reason as to why I am here again.

I have had some amazing, wonderful things happen within my family that only God could have orchestrated so I should be on a mountaintop screaming to the world, ‘Praise God from whom all blessings flow!’ but it seems I have turned inward to some extent.  I have, dare I say it out loud, backslid within my heart.  Why does that happen when we receive the desires of our hearts?   Why is it when dreams come true there is a moment of euphoria and then an emotion comes along that kind feels like a let down.  I have heard that many people who work towards a goal or achievement often experience this ‘let down,’  after reaching the very thing they have had their eyes on for months or years.  What is that?

I believe Solomon tells us exactly what it is and starts by saying….

“Vanity[a] of vanities,” says the Preacher;
“Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.”

And then sums it up…

“All things are full of labor;
Man cannot express it.
The eye is not satisfied with seeing,
Nor the ear filled with hearing.

That which has been is what will be,

That which is done is what will be done,
And there is nothing new under the sun.”

He has gotten my attention and I am turned my heart toward Him once again.   I know that His word is true when it says, “His mercy endureth forever”  and I do not want to take that for granted.  I want to be the wise woman who fears the Lord and honors Him daily in her  life.  That is my heart’s desire.  ~ Grace to you, Shell