Choices Become God’s Tools!

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Taken in the Julia Davis Rose Garden

Boise, Idaho 08/29/10

 

 

You know it seems one day you are going along thinking life is never gonna change and then the next thing you know there are so many changes in your life you don’t know which way to look first.  That is pretty much the way my life is right now.  I prayed for God to do something new in my life, something so crazy cool it could only be from Him.  He did it!  At first, I was just wondering how He did it, then came the thought "I can’t believe it, God, is it real?" 

Yes, I questioned if it was real!  Can you blame a girl, especially since I did not see it coming?   It has been, for the most part, amazing and wonderful.  Only a few times have I asked what did I get myself in to??? ??? You often get more than you bargain for when God answers your prayers…which can be a good or bad thing depending on how full your glass is….you know what I mean???  There is no such thing as smooth sailing in every experience we have but you can enjoy the journey none the less if you have faith in God who is in control of the boat!!!

 

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

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A rainbow driving into Mountain Home, Idaho 08/26/10

 

Having my 1st husband come back into my life has been a wonderful surprise.  These past few months have really taken me outside myself.    I guess after years of focusing on me, myself and I, it is a very welcome change to have someone else to relate to. I am navigating the realm of ‘relationship’ again.  I am discovering the intricacies of communicating and dying to self.  All the lessons God has taught me these past years has been about intimacy, trust and submission to His authority.   I am finding that those lessons are coming in handy now.    The intimacy has allowed me to be open and transparent. The trust has allowed me to believe God is at work in both of our lives and wants to do something great through our submission to Him.  It is all so connected!  That is the most amazing part.  In his new found relationship with Christ, I get to witness His wonderment at God’s hand in it all.  I also get to enjoy his excitement at every new thing the Lord shows him from His Word.  I even get to share in the companionship of his walk with our Lord.  Wow! Is that mind blowing or what?

 

Another change has been my faith in God.  No it has not gone away, nor has it waned, to the contrary.  It has gotten much deeper.  With that being said I have noticed that I have to ask God more questions than usual.  It is like starting over with Him in some ways.  I guess when you go to a new level with God you have to learn all new things with him.  Each time you go into a different season of life you wander around wondering how you got there and how long will you be there.  Depending on whether you accept the new place you are in is probably proportional to how long you stay there.  That makes me think of Moses.  40 years. And the children of Israel. 40 years.  Any correlation?   Maybe not…God does not always keep us in a place for 40 years, can I get an Amen on that???? LOL

 

Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness. Psalm 143:10

 

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I call this "Standing Out" taken on the

Trinity Mountain – Pine, ID  08/28/10

 

 

I liken the new level to going from high school to college.  It is still school but it is bigger, more intimidating to some extent and exciting all at the same time! It takes some time to get acclimated, to find your direction and get into a routine.  These past few months I have been wandering around hallways just taking it all in.  Soaking up every new thing in my life, trying to put it all in perspective.  I have to admit that there have been a few days of panic.  Feeling as if I was losing focus or getting too distracted with minor details.  There have also been some overwhelmingly scary days.  Questioning my heart and its motives.  And just as in any new situation there is always the obstacles put in the way by the enemy.  Trying to side track us or cause us to stumble and fall. 

 

But as I take time to regroup and lay it all out (list it, for type A personalities of which I am a card carrying member ) I can see the areas in which I need to balance.  I see the details God wants me to pay attention to.  That only happens if we are in tune with His voice.  To stay in tune you need to feed the spirit.  When I don’t, I am spiritually hungry.  There have been a few lean days since beginning on this journey with my first love.  I guess at first there was the feeling of euphoria.  I was so blown away by what God had done it was like a dream.  Then came reality.  The nuts and bolts of learning to relate to another human being again, even a familiar one.  Throw into that mix old feelings from the past, new conflicts from others and the unknown.  None of it has been devastating, a little painful, but even in that there is great joy.  Joy in knowing God is working behind the scenes to bring about restoration and renewal to our relationship.  What could be more fulfilling than that? 

 

To see the changes in people around us, especially our children has been a wonderful blessing.  The acceptance of everyone in our lives for our future.  We have so many cheerleaders how could we fail?  Our life has become a love story.  I know that sounds corny but who cares…it is so wonderful to be in the middle of it.  To share with my friends and family is even more wonderful!  This past week I got to take a trip to Idaho to see him retire from the Air Force.  He served our country for 26 years in uniform.  There are some awesome pics in my album here on WLS and on my FB if you would like to see.

 

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Taken from my window, Salt Lake (it looked

like glass reflecting the clouds & sky) 08/26/10

 

 

I was very nervous about going up there for many reasons but I knew in my heart it was a God thing so was fairly certain He would take care of me. You see I was with my 1st husband at the beginning of his career.  We both met in Germany while stationed at Bitburg Air Base.  We dated and married in 1987.  We then got an assignment to Luke AFB, Arizona where I gave birth to our first child, Benjamin (who is 22 today). Shortly before Ben’s 2nd birthday he left me for another woman.  I have written often about my feelings and experience during that time so I will not rehash those  but I will explain that he married her shortly after our divorce was final, spending the next 20 years of his career married to her and raising another family. I think it says a lot about him that he remained faithful in his second marriage and raised some wonderful kids.  He paid tribute to all of his children during his ceremony as his greatest achievement above his milestones and accomplishments of his 26 year career.  Wow!

 

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Our son, Benjamin, presenting the flag to his father

on behalf of the United States Air Force – his salute 08/27/10

 

 

While the circumstances that led to the end of his second marriage were difficult for him, God used it to draw him to Himself, much like God used my husband leaving me to draw me to Him.  He says he has no idea why he would turn to the woman he hurt so many years ago for answers but he contacted me about seeking God.  He did say that he had witnessed my walk with God through some of the most difficult things imagined and yet I still had peace and trust in God.  He wanted that too.   Did you know I prayed for him to get saved so many years ago?  I would pray on hands and knees with our children, at their bedside, for their daddy to know Jesus.  And 20 years later…..praise God!  So not only do I get to share in his new relationship with Christ, I was asked to share in the last milestone of his career, retirement.  The end of one way of life and the beginning of a new one. And a new beginning for us to start over.  To finish what we started so many years ago. 

 

God would have preferred that we had remained married originally for that is what he meant by "let no man put asunder"   But choices were made those many years ago that changed the course of our lives forever.  There was no love in those choices made, only selfish hearts who wanted what they wanted, including mine.  I have learned that only His love can cover those choices.  And then they become the tool God uses to reveal His love for us.  His love is complete when we surrender to his will, when we submit for another’s benefit, no matter the cost!  That is exactly what Christ did.  And are we not to walk as Christ, to be more like him, after all He saved us to transform us, for His glory! 

 

For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Romans 8:20

 

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Us, on a rock, out from shore of the South Fork

Boise River, where we had our picnic 🙂 08/28/10

 

Many of you may be asking how could you take him back?  I have been asked that by a few.  How could you put aside 20 years he spent with the woman he left you for?  How do you do that?  My answer to that is why not?  I have spent many years walking with God and asking Him to do something amazing in my life.  To allow me the privilege of glorifying Him in a way that would change the lives around me.  

 

While the surrender to God’s will in your life may not be without sacrifice or difficulty, the reward, I believe, is priceless.  I believe it is a gift to walk in a surrendered love.  To put aside the hurts, the tears and the anguish of loss and let God restore the love, joy and fulfillment of companionship.  The love itself comes from God and it fills the empty hole that we are always searching to fill with other things   To rejoice that we are who we are because of the road we walked even though separated we became what God wanted us to be for each other, ultimately for Him.

 

Perhaps I could not have taken him back 20 years ago because I would have been so ate up with bitterness and mistrust, I would have drove him away.  Perhaps he would not have appreciated the freedom of forgiveness the Lord gives him today had he not lived for years with the guilt for the pain he caused many years ago.   God knew the paths we would take, then and now.  He knew the circumstances in which we would find our way back to one another.  But ultimately He leaves the choice up to us.  What will we do with this opportunity to serve a greater purpose?  Can we make a better choice today than yesterday, one that gives instead of takes?  God does have a way of bringing things full circle. 

 

He says He will work all things together for good to them who love Him to them who are the called.  Romans 8:28

 

My choice is made and I choose to believe that it was ALL for my good, our good, His good!

 

Rio Samba

Rio Samba Roses – taken at the Julia Davis Rose Garden

Boise, Idaho 08/29/10

 

 

 

 

 

 

4 thoughts on “Choices Become God’s Tools!

  1. What a wonderful story of redemption , forgiveness and love that God put in your hearts. God heals and restores. I wish you all the best Shell.Thank you for stopping by my blog and leaving your comment. Have a wonderful weekend.Hugs and SmilesDianne 🙂

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