And the man, wondering at her, remained silent so as to know whether the LORD had made his journey prosperous or not. Genesis 24:21
Ever since I can remember, going on a trip seemed to be an adventure to me. The anticipation of going to a destination that I had never been to before. The whole process in preparing is very important. I often make a list of everything I need to take. Then a day before I gather it all up and neatly put everything in just the right place. I like the challenge of packing efficiently. Don’t use more room than necessary and make it practical and convenient. These days taking a trip on an airplane you have to be even more efficient because of all the ridiculous charges. Don’t even get me started! But traveling in a car or my van is somewhat easier. I am a great packer. I think I learned a few things when I was in the in the Air Force and I had pallet building detail a couple of times. Or maybe having moved quite a bit in several years. Either way I pride myself in getting everything I need in the space I have to work with.
The trip itself is full of different emotions depending on the purpose of the trip and where you are going. I have been on many trips for very many reasons. While in the military, I moved around a lot so those were chocked full of stress of moving, anticipation of starting over and sadness at leaving friends behind. I have been on vacation trips that were mostly great memories for me. I remember a couple of trips that were under very difficult circumstances. Going to my sister’s funeral was one of those. Flying to Missouri from Hawaii when my father had his heart attack was hard because I could not get home fast enough. But for the most part taking trips for me has been and is about the journey getting there. I used to think it was the place or event itself.
Our journeys throughout our lifetime most often do not end exactly the way we picture. Sometimes we get detoured or worse stranded. But as I look back on the detours and the times I was left on a roadside I find that even those were adventures. I realize getting stranded on a roadside is not considered fun, by any means, but you do remember the trip and hopefully you learn something. All the detours, road blocks or roadside emergencies are necessary for us to appreciate the actual destination. I mean how many of you have pulled into the hotel parking lot or the driveway of loved one’s long separated from and let out a sigh of relief….we’re here! Then the very next thought is “let’s go have some fun!” Excitement immediately takes over and the trip with all it’s obstacles forgotten. What a blessing!
It is the same for “time” as in days, weeks and years. I have come to realize in just the past few days that time is relative. I kind of alluded to this in my last post “He Will Do A New Thing: I’m Still Waiting!” Time can simply melt away when the very thing you have waited for years finally manifest itself into your life. It is an amazing thing really. It is as if you never spent anytime in anguish, tears or loneliness. How does that happen? How does God weave that into our psyche? I believe it is the same way with forgiveness. If you have truly forgiven and have walked in that forgiveness over the years, the pain and heartache vanish. It is as if the trespass has never happened. I have experienced that very thing a few times in my life. It boggles my mind!
I am thinking that when one forgives they are saying “I choose not to dwell on that”. I choose to let it go. Something else I am learning is that when you practice loving others no matter how hard they are to love, the longer you do it the easier it becomes. And if you combine the forgiveness with love it becomes a powerful instrument to channel God’s love through. The world does not make sense of this kind of forgiveness. And sadly we do not hear of too many stories of this. Although I do know a family who has forgiven a man who murdered their son. I also recall the Amish family who forgave the man who killed their daughter. So I know it is possible.
I have spoke often of the things I have experienced in the realm of relationships. Namely my two marriages which ended in heartbreak. Can not really compare the two nor can I say the pain from one was more than the other. Both were very devastating. The first because I was young, in love and full of dreams. The event took me by surprise and it was totally unbelievable. It left me feeling broken, angry and lost. In the years that followed I began a journey of rebirth. Not only did I come to know my Lord and savior shortly after I began to learn about this concept of forgiveness. When I realized that I had to do this in regards to my first husband I began to wonder what it would entail. I eventually made the choice to do so but I quickly realized that it was not easy. I had to give up the anger, resentment and the feeling of abandonment. I had to literally find a way to not dwell on those things so the forgiveness that I chose to give would not be in word only.
I would learn this lesson over and over throughout the years since. When my second marriage ended with my second husbands crime, I thought there is no way I can forgive this time. But immediately God spoke to me and said, “Forgiveness is not about him and what he did it is about you and what I want to do through you!” I understood that the forgiveness was not something I could ignore and it was not something I could put off till later. I had to do it as soon as possible so the Lord could begin the healing. So I could begin the work of walking in it as I had done before. Those events in my life were the times I was stranded on the side of the road. Each time the Lord came to my rescue. The detours I have taken since the day I accepted the Lord were the choices I made, wrong turn maybe or just not paying attention to the signs.
And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them.
Today I am standing at a road that is so very exciting to me. I turn around and look back from where I came and can not believe the distance I have traveled. What is really amazing to me is the waiting, tears and loneliness have seemed to vanish. It is as if they never existed. I can not explain it nor can I put into words how overwhelmed I am at the possibilities God has brought into my life. I started the beginning of this year praying for God to do a new thing. New Year, New Life, New Hope! In my heart I wanted it to be something so amazing that I would not have ever imagined! I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is going to take me on trip in which I have never been on, one very few get to take. I am ready because He has prepared me for it. He has given me all the instruction and tools I need. He has conformed me (and still is) to the woman He wants me to be, this day at this moment.
I have my list made as to all things I will take with me. I have my itinerary somewhat jotted down leaving room for unexpected surprises. I have the map from which God will guide me through. I am thinking right now about the arrival and anticipating event. The new thing God is doing is going to be exciting and wonderful because it is from Him. And I always said I do not want anything, if it is not first from my Lord….I hope you who stop by from time to time will go along on this trip with me. I can not tell you the destination right now because I myself do not know. I believe God is still working out all the details. So, yes I am still waiting but at least I know now what kind of trip it will be. The vision quest I spoke of in a January 2010 post What would you say if I told you the craziest thing? is becoming a reality. And my heart is overwhelmed and grateful….basically it is what I made my FB status today, “The peace in my heart matches the smile on my face!!!”
We serve an awesome God!!!
more to come…
grace to you