All kinds of thoughts went through my head about this upcoming weekend. But the one thought that stayed with me the most is “how is my walk with my Lord?” and “What have I done for Him lately?” Those two questions have been nagging me really. I am constantly going to Him about all these little things in my life. Well they are big things to me. Things that look like problems. They are nagging me too. I have to move again in a couple of months. My lease is up and it is time to find another home. My boys and I have been in a room mate situation since last Sept. It gave me a break somewhat financially and it helped my friend during a very difficult time in her life. God used it to help us both. It has been a tremendous blessing. So now I must walk through another door.
I need a lot of prayer about this. I want to stay in the same area in order to keep the boys in the same schools. We have moved so much that I can’t afford for them to change schools again. This is the one thing that I believe I must take care to not let happen. It will help lessen the impact moving has on a family, especially with two teenage boys. Their grades have improved consistently over the past several months along with their attitudes. So if I don’t have to mess with that area of their lives then I would rather not. I am asking God to help me out on this one especially. I want to rent a house. One I can afford and one that has adequate room (at least 3 bedrooms) and one story (this will help on energy saving during the summer)
I admit I am a little fearful of all this. Always before I was confident about moving and seem to have everything under control and planned weeks in advance. Although I struggled with paying all the bills on one income, somehow we made it. But this seems to be different. I can’t plan because I do not know what to expect or what will be available during the time I need to move. I do not know what God will do either. I know He always provides but I just don’t know if He will provide within the area I need to be for my kids. Why is this so hard for me to trust Him with this request? Why can’t I trust that whatever happens is for the best?
Being a single parent is difficult for many reasons and I have listed a few in past blogs but the reason I bring it up now is because I know that I can not provide everything for my boys on one income. The more expensive the house, the less there is for other things. Like groceries, gas and miscellaneous. Since 2004 that is all I have done is struggle with paying just the living expenses. Yes, He provides but it is a constant thought in my head each and every payday, will there be anything left over? I absolutely hate living like that. Yet I feel so very fortunate than most. Because at least I have a job.
This is what has been consuming my thoughts these days. Moving: Finances & location and my walk with God. Do you think there is a correlation? I do. I know when I am at peace with God, then I am at peace in my life about the direction I am going in or the decisions I make. When I am questioning Him or my relationship with Him than I am anxious about all that is going on around me. I feel as if I have to do something for God in order to get my prayers heard. That is crazy nonsense. I know better than that and have known that for years. So why do I even entertain that thought? Do I want to get what I want or do I want what He wants for me? Does He want to give me what I want or what I need? Is what I want a need or a want? Wrap your mind around that million dollar question.
What does this have to do with Easter? How does my prayers, my desires and my worry’s fit into worshipping the King of King, our risen Lord?
Imagine for a moment the people in the town where Jesus was tried, convicted and sentenced. What do you think most of them were doing during that time? Many things had to be done to run a home. Many people were probably going about their business while all the mayhem was going on around them. Do you think there were people who had not heard of Jesus? What about the people who heard of him but didn’t know much about him. What about those who had heard him speak the words of truth? What do you suppose they were thinking about all of it? What about all those closest to him? The ones that ran away when He was taken? What do you imagine they were experiencing? And then there were those who watched in horror as He was beaten and then made to carry His cross through the town, what was going through their minds? Do you suppose everyone in the town and those watching were thinking about themselves? Maybe not those that knew Him and loved Him. But yet maybe they thought for an instant, "what will I do now, without my Lord?"
When we think of the event we tend to forget about the reality of the day? It was not like 9/11 when it seemed the whole world stopped to gleen every detail from the tv news. Even now anywhere in the world there is some major event taking place that is devastating a family or a community. Even then there are folks going about their daily lives with no clue what has occurred. I imagine though that the moment Jesus died and the earthquake hit everyone knew something had just happened. Many may not have equated it the Son of God giving up His spirit. But everyone knew the earth had shifted. Certainly the story would have spread that the earth shook the moment Jesus died. Surely everyone, upon hearing the news, would have realized who He was? I don’t really think so. I think they probably reasoned that it was a coincidence. Man has a way of ignoring the truth and finding something that is easier to explain.
It is the same today. Nothing has changed really. Every Easter Christians celebrate His resurrection. His victory over death. But there are still those who choose not to think about what it all means. There are those who give Easter another explanation that ends with colored eggs and chocolate. There are those who mock the fact that Christians believe in Jesus Christ at all. Thinking that it is horrible to talk about a man being beaten and bruised for the sake of saving man kind. How brutal and don’t talk about blood and gore while we dress up in our pretty little dresses and bonnets! How preposterous!!
In all my thoughts this week I never once thought about the days leading up to the empty tomb. I have known the story of Calvary and I do care. I understand what He did for me and I am so very grateful! I have studied it and it has convicted me so many years past each time we come to this holiday. But amid the thoughts swirling within my head I was not particularly thinking about Jesus’ ordeal. Of course I was thinking of His resurrection, afterall it is Easter. But I was also thinking about myself and my future. I was momentarily thinking of the lesson I was going to teach on Sunday morning and busy organizing everything in my head. Paying bills in my head. Meeting so & so for lunch on Saturday. Praying for a house and the location of the house. Oh and today is Good Friday. Oh and Sunday is Easter! But during this week, never once did I really think about the steps He took to get to the tomb.
I came face to face with it this evening. I was reminded of what He did for us! What He truly did for us! Being reminded of this gave me the feeling as if I have not done enough to honor God in my life and I can not shake the feeling that He loves me no less today than He did the day He went to the cross for me! Brothers and Sisters in Christ, for your own sakes remember what He has done and get on your knees in humility and worship Him! The One and Only, King of Kings and Lord of Lords! Let Him pour out His love on you in grace!
And because of Him we have the Victory!