Life just keeps on rolling along, hey? It is now February….coming up on my 4 year anniversary on MSN Live Spaces in March. It seems so strange to have done something consistently for 4 years. I am still liking it here…writing the words that seem to reflect my heart, mind and walk with God. There have been times when I have been so very grateful to have this outlet. To be able tell my story has been a wonderful blessing to me. It really does not matter if anyone reads my words or not, though it is very nice when someone does, but it is more about recording my journey. It is not important in the larger scheme of things but it has been important to me to lay out those things which God shows me from one day to the next. To keep track, so to speak, of what He is teaching me. Having others along with me on the journey is just icing on the cake.
In the last post I mentioned that I was seeking God’s vision for 2010. It has been slow going but the single thought that keeps going through my mind is “God I am trusting you when I can not see what is around the corner!” I have written down my vision for several areas of my life. Career, Finance, Spouse/Mate, Physical Fitness, Children, Ministry. Under each one I have written small statements as to what I envision for the coming year. I am now praying for opportunities to open up for me to move toward what I envision. I am waiting on God to open them up as I move forward. While I wait I am making plans to be prepared to act when the opportunities come.
This is what the craziest part is…while I wait, life is happening. Sometimes it is surprising and sometimes it is a challenge. A couple of weeks ago my oldest son told me he got orders to Afghanistan. He leaves in a couple of months. When I first heard the news I did not react with fear. The very first thought was, “God you have always watched out for him, this will be no different.” I do not know if it is a delayed reaction or if it really is a peace and a trust but I have chosen not to dwell on the thing that has not happened yet. I am choosing to give my son to the Lord. Surprise: This I did not envision…my son going to the place on earth where there is war.
Yesterday I found out that my daughter is going to have a baby. My little girl. I had been looking at her baby pictures that morning. And later in the day she told me with an excited smile on her face. She was just busting at the seams. I was in shock…I did not know what to say first. It still has not sunk in though I am beginning to wonder what it will be like to watch her go through what I went through four times. It is not fear but apprehension at knowing what lays ahead of her. I have been texting her little messages…things every mother wants to tell their daughter to make things a little easier. Surprise: This I did not envision….my daughter becoming a mother so soon.
One of my teenage sons is giving me some trouble in the “obedience” area. So I am having to deal with him fairly regularly now. Firm discipline has not always been easy for me but am finding a way to be so. I should say being consistent has been difficult, too many other issues going on while my kids were growing up. Especially during the years of loss and pain. The younger two really kind of fell through the cracks for a few years there. Now I am having to catch up…it is exhausting, both mentally and physically. Working 9 hours a day and commuting 3 hours a day only leaves a few hours to take care of matters before we wake up and do it all over again. I am praying for wisdom and strength in this area. I can not lose them to the world. I have already lost too much. Again I know that God is leading me and I trust that He is working on my behalf to bring about change in their hearts and lives. Challenge: This I did not envision….my younger son being so very difficult at times.
The next couple of weeks seem to be looming in front of me, saying, “life is going on with or without you.” Dare I mention once again that V-day is almost upon us? Yes, the dreaded day of Amore…only us single, lonely souls view such day with scorn. Not that I scorn the day for I have tried not to be bitter for the sake of others who look forward to the day with excitement. It is just another day I say to myself while the rest of the world is drenched in hearts of every kind. Edible or otherwise….
I have blogged about this day and the feelings it triggers before so I will spare you the details again. But I would like to add a little tidbit of personal information so that you won’t think that I am becoming a Valentines recluse. After many conversations with some dear friends, I had decided to throw myself into the “E Harmoney” pot. (Cringe) Actually, it has been kind of comic relief for me. I have not had any contacts but have had many matches. I am really not sure what to expect. I don’t think I am expecting anything. But for the life of me I am beginning to wonder why one would pay for rejection. I thought I would give it a try and believed that if the stars became aligned on a certain day then just maybe my true love will end up in my Inbox. Or maybe not. It remains to be seen…
It kills me what guys write on their profiles and omg…the pictures. What are they thinking? I have seen several who have taken self portraits, their faces so close to the lens that their eyes look like they are bugging out of their head. The hair is wild and believe it or not some are not wearing a shirt. Oh joy at seeing that. I remember logging on one day and seeing a lineup of guys across the bottom of the page. I thought I was looking at criminals. “Have you seen this man?” Now that is scary. You can’t even see some of their faces because the picture is too small or they are standing too far back. Bless their hearts.
I have not been on a true date since 1993. Was married in 1994 and became single in 2004 (my divorce was not final till 2008) So you could say that I am extremely out of practice. And that may be putting it mildly. I don’t claim to be a super catch but my profile pics are tasteful and current (see below). I am not claiming that I love to do everything under the sun nor do I make any promises of saving the world. I do pronounce that I am a Christian and that my faith is very important to me. I am pretty much “what you see is what you get” but with a smile. I am not what 90% of the men are looking for, that is very obvious so I guess it will be a God thing, in His time on His terms. And I am ok with that…just don’t know if paying for more time can be seen as trusting God…what do you think? Never mind….
So that is my week in a nutshell…only looking forward and am going to give it my best shot, nothing to lose, everything to gain. I will leave you with this excerpt from the book, Visioneering by Andy Stanley:
“God is using your circumstances to prepare you to accomplish his vision for your life. Your present circumstances are part of the vision. You are not wasting your time. You are not spinning your wheels. You are not wandering in the wilderness. If you are “seeking first” his kingdom where you are, then where you are is where he has positioned you. And he has positioned you there with a purpose in mind.”
Wow, can we say most amazing thought!!!!
Here is a little funny that my friend texted me this afternoon….try texting it to your friends and see what happens…
“I got a call from Walmart and they told me someone was drunk, wearing a gold thong, purple beeds and was screaming “who dat”, I am on my way to pick you up but this stuff has got to stop!!!!
You all have a wonderful Superbowl Sunday!!!
grace to you