Weeeelllllll, Let me tell you…V-I-S-I-O-N.
I have been thinking about that for almost two solid years now. It is kind of crazy how it just keeps coming back into my mind over and over. I believe God is doing something in my heart but for the life of me I have no idea what. I know that God does not do things conventionally nor does He always reveal what He is doing. But if you walk with Him for any length of time you do know that He will give you glimpses or nudges. Trying to decipher those glimpses or nudges is a whole other subject. I believe that He has been trying to communicate to me about my future and the way I am to go. (because I believe Him when he says in His word to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding and in all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy paths") I just have not seen the ‘paths’ very clearly.
Most of the these past five years have been consumed with looking back. Grief, loss, recovering and healing. But now I stand in a place in my life where all I can do is look forward. I even have trouble turning my head backwards or looking in the rear view mirror, imagine that? It really isn’t that I don’t want to it just that it does not matter any longer. I feel like Tom Hanks’s character in Castaway at the end of the movie where he is standing at a crossroads and is looking down all four of the roads going in different directions and you are wondering which way will he go? What are his possibilities? We know down one road there is the possibility of a relationship with a very beautiful and talented woman who seemed as if she was no longer looking back either. But what about the other three roads? What did she say, one went north to Cananda and the others? Not sure… That is me.
I wish I could say that I look down one road and I see a wonderful handsome & talented man just waiting for me to knock on his door…that would be exciting for sure!! LOL. But no, I do not see that. So that brings me back to the thing that has been knocking around my head for two years. V-I-S-I-O-N. The bible says where there is no vision the people perish. That verse just happens to be in the chapter of proverbs that speaks on actions, correction and being obedient so I may be stretching a bit here to say that you if you have no vision for what can be or what should be then you will "perish". While perish means to destroy or die it also means to ruin or spoil and that is exactly what I think it means in that context. Just as a vision of not disciplining a child will ruin him, we are ruined if we do not see possibilities in our future. We get discouraged and we tend to live in a rut. We give up on ever having dreams again. We don’t even imagine all the wonderful things God may bring into our lives that could be just around the corner.
So here I stand looking this way and that way wondering what next? Let me tell you a crazy story….I am not at all sure why but I feel compelled to tell you the craziest story that has kind of left me puzzled to this point…
It started when I began attending a new start up church two years ago. The church was in the process of finding a short term permanent location for us to meet. About a month after I started attending I had a dream. The dream was about finding a building. The building that would be used for our church. It was an old warehouse. In the dream the warehouse was owned by a man who was a Christian but he had passed away. I was driving by the building and saw a ‘For Lease’ sign. When I stopped to inquire, the man that was outside the building was the Christian man’s son. I explained to him why I was interested in the building and he immediately told me his father would have been pleased that God would want to use his building for a new church. He told me before his father had passed that his father had had a dream and in his dream he saw a cross and bridge in front of the building but had no idea what it was all about. So then I informed him that the name of our church was CrossBridge Church. Then I woke up.
For weeks, even months, that dream would not go away. I thought about it during the day all the time. I kept thinking to myself how cool would that be if that really happened? I remember fantasizing one day about the building and what it would look like inside and then started thinking about how it would have to be remodeled to work as a church. It was so crazy because I kept thinking I was becoming obsessed. And then a thought occurred to me, is God giving me a vision? Is this something that He would do? I secretly hoped that maybe it would come true. And then all these other thoughts came into my head about how it would happen. The idea grew and it became something almost real. That went on for 6 months or so.
Later that year I ended up moving to the same area where I had found the building in my dream. It was an answer to a personal prayer I had been praying for months. Many personal prayers actually, none of which had to do with the church building. Out of the blue and totally unexpected but I knew it was of God. One day I was driving down a road near where I now live and I saw a warehouse and that dream came back to my mind. I thought about all the time and energy I spent thinking about it back then and wondered again…God are you trying to show me something? But nothing happened.
I went back to my daily routine without much more thought to that building but it got me to thinking about vision. The fact that I had no real vision for my personal life. I think I mentioned this in a couple of past blogs regarding having hopes and dreams. I do know that God has a vision for me. He says in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Just how does He plan to do that? What does that mean? Is He giving me glimpses and I am missing them? Do I even have to know? Did Moses know when God told him he would deliver his people from Egypt and then sent him to the desert for 40 years? Did Joseph know when he had the dream about the sheaves of grain bowing down to him and then was sold into slavery by his brothers? Emphatically, no.
So my mission right now is to find God’s vision for my life. In all areas. My walk with Him, my ministry, my personal health and well being, my finances and for my family. I know what God expects but I don’t know what He wants to do with it. Does that make sense? I truly want what He wants because I know if I set out to do what I want it will inevitably fall apart and I would be hard pressed to recover in the years I might have remaining on this earth. I want my life to count for Him, my children’s lives to count for Him and if nothing else that may be in and of itself a vision, you think?
I am reading a book by Andy Stanley called Visioneering (no I did not stumble upon it…God placed it in my hands ) and so far there is so much I am connecting with…I keep smiling as I read the words cuz I know He is speaking to me through it….my heart is a flutter……but here is a wonderful thought