My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. Psalm 62:5
Well here we are again, heading into another Christmas Season and an end to another year. Thoughts immediately begin to fly around about the upcoming celebrations and gatherings. I have learned from these past 5 years to make an effort to keep my expectations in check. When you are dealing children, family and friends it is very easy to build up good or bad scenarios depending on the circumstances in your life such as marital status, physical health, financial hardships, loss of a loved one, etc. I am not anticipating one thing this year except to just sit back and see what God will do. Then whatever happens will be unexpected. There is some peace in this approach. It frees you up to enjoy the moments you will share with others and with God. I have a personal Christmas list but not much on it is material. It is mostly things I want for my kids and the friends around me. My mind was swirling last night while trying to close my eyes for sleep. 11:30, 12:30 finally I think I fell asleep somewhere between 1 am and 1:15 am. That can be very torturous some times. I thought it would be kind of interesting for you to get a peek at the train of thought that keeps me awake from time to time…
I am so tired, got to go to sleep. I forgot to order the banana pudding that so&so loves, better do that tomorrow. Man I am tired (toss & turn) What am I going to do about this situation that came up today. Why do I always assume the worse in situations? Lord, I will just have to trust you. Please work it all out. I better go get some things out of storage before I go to the church, which means I probably can’t get up there till Sat am. I need to get the ice for the party in the afternoon, don’t forget. I really liked my son’s haircut, so handsome. I am so glad I talked with so&so tonight and shared my heart about being obedient, back on track! Anyway it was a good talk…thanks God. Ok now I am really tired…I need to GO TO SLEEP! Lord could you help me with this. (begin to cry about something that was heavy on my heart) Oh Lord, now what? Why can’t I just learn to accept your will in my life? Why can’t I just let things go? I really do need to get over all this and just let you take care of things. I need to stop this crying and go to sleep. Now I am gonna have puffy eyes in the morning. I probably shouldn’t have worried so&so about all this stuff going on. I should have just left it alone. OK, OK God I am letting it go. (toss & turn, straighten blanket, wipe my tears) Now I am really exhausted, close your eyes, take deep breath, now change your thoughts, think a scripture…say it out loud…"I beseech ye therefore brethren, by the mercies of God that ye present your body a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed….ok now I can sleep…..
Now that is probably only a quarter of what was going through my mind last night. If your a man, you probably can not relate so I apologize now for subjecting you to that. I was trying to recall the very last thought before getting into bed to go to sleep, as to what triggered all of these thoughts, emotions and prayers sent up to God in silence. The thought was "What have I learned this year? How is this year different from the last five years." (NOTE: I tend to measure everything from 2004 as that is the year that my life drastically changed see Sweet Savor of Praise Offerings!)
Not only did I NOT get my answer but I had a very hard time waking up this morning. It was very hard to focus on my commute to work. Forgot my coffee on the way out the door….but wouldn’t you know that God was on the case first thing.
He says to me this morning, "Michelle, remember what you were thinking about last night?"
Me: "God, you were there…I was having a hard time shutting my thoughts down, which one?"
God: " The one right before getting into bed?"
Me: "Hmmmm let me think, oh yes, What have I learned this year? How is this year different from the last five years."
God: "Yes that one, be ready to answer that later today."
Me: "Why. . . , never mind, yes God."
So later today several of the situations that I was thinking on last night were resolved by the answer God had asked me to be ready to answer. A conversation that took place was perfectly timed in my day. And I knew why God had told me to answer that question. Sometimes we think we have to know every reason for events that catch us off guard or circumstances that make us feel uncomfortable. If we can’t figure out a reason we start assuming we know and then we start trying to fix things by taking action that usually makes things worse. Instead of waiting on God we leap. Yes, I am a leaper at times. (I said L-E-A-P-E-R not Leper, lol) I rush in with my answers, my take on it all and God turns it all around in one fell swoop. Imagine that? Do you think He gets a kick out of watching us jump to conclusions? Although I don’t think He does when there is fear involved, in fact I think He waits till the exact moment when we will be ready to recognize that He is in the details!! According to James Watkins why God allows us to wait maybe to increase our faith, increase our vision, to increase our testimony and/or to increase our compassion.
This was on my devotional calendar today and the thought is so very appropriate (another God-incidence)
He keeps me waiting, sometimes to what looks to me like
the "screaming edge" of the precipice.
Then precisely when I need to know, God shows me."
~ Elizabeth Elliot ~
In the last week I have witnessed through my own life and in some of my friends’ lives God turning circumstances around almost instantly. Most for good. He says in His word that He will work all things out for good, to them who love Him, to them who are called. We are not always privileged to see how God resolves issues in our lives or the results of His working, so when we do, we should be make a note to remember it. To testify to it. To praise God for this gift.
I pray that during this stress-filled time of the year that you would put your expectations in check, seek Him who can give peace which passeth all understanding and above all wait on Him to show you what He is doing before you assume the worst.
I have a few more blog post up in my head and I have a good holiday vacation coming up…so I am hoping to spend some time writing…which I miss horribly.
Grace to you