One Choice. . .

There is never a good time to move.  Especially when your body isn’t working the way it used to when it was much, much younger…LOL  I have just finished a move.  One of the hardest moves I have made, actually.  It was not because of the ALL the stuff I had to pack over the last month, nor was it all the HEAVY boxes I lifted and trucked up and down stairs.  It wasn’t even the storing my whole house into a 10 x 15 little room.  I think it was because of the emotions it seemed to bring out.  I know your probably saying, not again, does this girl ever do anything without getting emotional? 

Not really…you can ask my kids that.  I cry pretty much at everything.  Babies being born, even those I do not know.  Commercials, songs, movies, friends who are hurting, remembering good times, thinking about my kids and my Grandbaby, worship music, a sermon, getting old, missing loved ones, looking in the mirror.  And driving in Houston….lol.   I know what the emotions were about but I am not sure I want to list them today. They are just so personal that I can’t even speak them aloud.  I think if I did it may sound as if I am feeling sorry for myself.  I really have no reason to do so….God answered my prayers with this one move.  A whole list of them.  So why do my emotions feel so out of control? 

I posted a comment on FB today…it is kind of where I am…looking back again.

Photobucket"I want to go back in time….if only star trek were real and there was a hole in the space time continuum…oh wait was that Back To The Future? Don’t mind me just having a pity party… ;)"

Liz asked me "What would you change if you could go back?" and I had an answer…."It would have to be a decision to walk with the Lord in 1985…God put a Christian lady in my path and I chose to walk the other way because of fear…the one thing I know is God makes all things work together for good to them who are called by His name and I will just have to trust that for now…thanks for asking!"

I had just come to know the Lord before going into the Air Force.  While I was at Basic Training they made me the Chapel Guide.  I would march a group of us to church on Sunday morning.  That was kind of a big deal then because we were out on our own and it was kind of scary at first…did not want to do anything wrong.  We would all cry during the whole service.  Something about the music and the worship and missing home I guess…I look back on it and see God’s hand in opening the door for me to serve him.  Then I went to Tech School.  I went to church with my room mate.  Although we did not go very regular.  It was at my first duty assignment that God really did something amazing.  My dorm room mate was a born again Christian.  She invited me to church and I went one time…I was such a new Christian that I really didn’t know what it meant to walk with the Lord, to serve the Lord or bodly proclaim that I was a Christian.  I am sad to say I still had a lot of the "old man" still in me…  She was different and I was not sure I wanted to be different like that….I wanted to be with people and party.  Have fun!  Hang out!  Her life seemed boring to me. I am not so sure that I had really recieved the Lord as my Savior at that time.

Now, many years later, I see that her life was not boring.  She did things, a lot of things and had a lot of friends.  They traveled, hiked and went to see the sites. She had fellowship.  I understand that her life was full.  I had chosen the empty, lonely way.  I wanted something else…something familiar.  I wanted to be comfortable in a new place. Comfortable was hanging with people who liked to party.  Who liked doing the things that were familiar to me.  Now I understand that it was not meant for me.  God had intended another path which I rejected.  I now look back and mourn that decision.  I can’t tell you all the reasons why, only because it would be saying to God that everything He has done for me since has not been good enough and that would be unfair to God, not to mention disrespectful.  He has been good to me.  He has given me life, hope and love.  I see just because of that one decision, I set into motion a life time of heartache that I may not have had to endure.  Nor my children and maybe even their children. 

One could say that God knew the path I would take and had to go to plan B with me. Does He have a plan B?  Or one could say that I was meant to go down the path I chose and I got the life I was suppose to get.  If that is so then I don’t feel as if there has been much point to it.  I have failed at many things, lost many things, missed out on many things and may have missed out on experiencing the life that God meant for me to have.  I may have missed out on having a soul mate, a family that stays together and prays together.  Of passing on a godly legacy to them. 

A friend of mine, who passed away recently, did a bible study devotion shortly before he went home to be with the Lord.  He asked "what kind of legacy will you leave to your children?"  And that question has burned in my heart and mind for months now.  My children know I love the Lord. They know I try to serve Him.  They know I believe in Him.  They know I believe Him.  I am afraid they are standing at their path and choosing the other way just as I did.  And I can not change that.  Before you say it, God can.  I know.  But the point is that when you stand back and look at your life as if looking out over a great plain, you see the things that were so hidden to you before.  Maybe I saw them yet did not recognize them, maybe I saw them and chose not to see. I just don’t know. 

I do know that because of the path I chose I ultimately chose Him. I have learned to trust Him and count on the promises He has made to me.  I know His Word is living and true.  It gives the plan for the second chances.  It gives life to the dead. Because He is the Word.  The pity party is temporary because it is another teaching moment from Him.  This to shall pass!
 
God’s word says

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.  For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.  And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

1 Corinthians 13:11-13

So I am guessing that the older we get the more clear we see the things in our life as they relate to God.  That the only important thing that remains in our life is our faith, our hope but ultimately our love.  May you all feel His love today!
Grace to you

Shell

Photobucket

To be able to do the thing that we were made to do—to glorify and please God—-will give us everlasting joy!!!
"I will be glad and rejoice in You; I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High."  Psalm 9:2

18 thoughts on “One Choice. . .

  1. I know that moves can be a huge thing. I personally have moved a couple of times to other countries not knowing for sure when I\’d be back to America…it totally rocked my world every single time…how can anyone really get used to moving? I saw your FB post and am glad to see here more clearly what you\’re talking about. The limitations of FB are glaring when it comes to sharing something like this. I am so thankful for you. I know the feeling about what to leave your kids. I know for me I can safely say: silver and gold have I none but what I have I give unto you. I\’ve involved my kids in my missionary travels and given them all the love I have in me but still there can be times when I wish I could give still more. The legacy of a walk with Christ is so very precious. I found Christ when I was very, very young but that doesn\’t mean I don\’t have any wasted time in my life. God\’s blessing to you my friend for walking with the Lord as you have. No life is perfect however I know that we cannot change the past we have today and today we can choose to serve the Lord…saved or not…every day is the day of salvation. I want to thank you for the positive impact you\’ve had in my own life though you may not know just how much. God bless you.

  2. I am going to comment to the parts I can really relate to but first I want to share this with you… I had read this message from Joel Osteen just minutes before coming to read your blog post. When I first read it I immediately thought, "Okay, today\’s message doesn\’t apply to me." Now I see i was meant to share it with you. Here it is:Today’s Verse: “…but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,” (Philippians 3:13, NLT).Today’s Word:Are you focused on forgetting what lies behind? I know many people don’t fully understand what it means to forget the past. They wonder, “How can I forget something that’s happened to me?” But one definition of the word forget means to disregard intentionally or to overlook. You have to intentionally disregard your past so that it doesn’t keep you from moving forward. That means the good and the bad. Sometimes our past victories keep us from rising higher as much as past failures. If we don’t let go of the old, we’ll never be able to embrace the new.It doesn’t matter what’s happened in your history, it’s time to forget what lies behind. Make the choice today to press forward. Trust that God has a better future in store for you. Trust that He’s working behind the scenes on your behalf. As you press forward, you will move forward, and you will embrace the life of victory God has in store for you. Prayer for Today: Father in heaven, I choose to forget the past today. I don’t want anything to hold me back from the future You have prepared for me. I choose forgiveness and ask that You help me by Your Spirit to press forward in every area of my life. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

  3. Shell, I know our lives in many ways are different, but in many ways they are also the same. I made similar choices to yours and I too fear that my children are making the same mistakes. Perhaps even worse, I feel like I have been a stumbling block to my children receiving God. Total guilt on that front. I have repented and continue to try and remedy the situation, but really all I can do is place them into God\’s hands.I think the main difference is that somehow I managed to marry a good man. I wish he was a more God fearing man, but he is a good man none-the-less so I am very blessed on that front… and hopefully someday he\’ll come around. I pray constantly for that too!Mostly now though, I seek like you, the peace and joy and fellowship your friend had/has. Thinking maybe you and I should should try again for a meet in the middle vacation! : )Love you girly! Hang in there!

  4. being a parent is never easy, even with god\’s help, is it? I have many conflicting emotions tonight, and this has again been an emotional week for me (and I so hate being emotional) but all emotions are god given and so is the ability to make success of all our failures with his help and guidance. I want to say more, but my thoughts are too jumbled, you are in my thoughts and prayers, hugs – nita.

  5. Sometimes we just have to walk away and don\’t turn back. God only has an A plan and sometimes it takes us along time but we do come back to the crossroads of decision and He is and was there for you when you finally surrendered your life to Him. No B plan necessary. God knew every detail of your life before you were even born. Keep going forward, keep trusting Him with your life. He will heal and restore you completely. God knows your desires and all your wants and needs and He cares for you. My experiences in life are different than yours but I do know what it is like to be a single mom with 2 small boys and trying to make a living for my boys and myself and the lonliness and all the other emotional stuff that goes along with it. Shell you are in my thoughts and prayers. Thankyou for thinking of my dad and I and your prayers. Your Sister In Christ Jesus, Dianne 🙂

  6. Before I say anything farther let me say your daughter is a beauty. I have three sons and never did have a daughter so I enjoy everyone else\’s. 🙂 Gorgeous girl.Dianne sort of said it for me. God has no plan B..and hHe already knows every iota of everything there is about you..insode and out. He allows choice and it was your choice once upon a time to do whatever it was you chose. Later, just like me, you foundHim and your salvation and you can\’t imagone ever not being as you are now. God, I am thinking, just waits until we blunder and stagger and fall down enough that our attention goes from us to Him.

  7. Why do you think God gave us tear ducts my sister, my friend? It is understandable to regret, but impossible to go back in time. You have the heart of a lion and I can see it clearly. Change is but a small thing…faith is everlasting. You are loved and respected as a friend and eternal sister in the eternity of His love.J.W.L.

  8. I cry at the drop of a hat too. I have to speak at the ladies retreat weekend coming at my church and I have been asked to share my testamony. I have been stuggeling with how much to share of waht parts and your post here really encouraged me. Thanks!

  9. I left you and long reply to your comment to me on my Space, but incase you miss it I wanted to thank you here too. Your prayers mean everything to me. I am in such distress I can\’t stand it anymore. I try to keep, keeping on but I can\’t anymore. I\’m broken.

  10. You never fail to leave the most thoughtful comments on my space. We seem to be wired on the same wave length. I believe you to be a woman who does not walk over Christ in the kitchen to find Him somewhere with more glitz Enjoy your day.Eileen

  11. Hello my dear friend. I don\’t think its wrong to have emotions stirred up…moving is a stressful thing and it\’s amazing what feelings it can unearth. I just can\’t get with FB for whatever the reason…I just don\’t like it over there but I appreciate you no matter where you are, you\’ve often been a real blessing for me and I thank you for that.

  12. sister Shell ,you are a great woman ,mon and friend . from your thought comments for the others ,i can imagine how much blessing you have taken to the people around you . you are so thoughful and detail-sentive .i pray for God bless you and ur family !I thank Lord to know you ,my sister Shell!

  13. i can sense that you always like to read the others\’s word or mind with your sincere heart ,so you can give so many sincerely and thoughtful comments . Emanuel .Joyce

  14. May this find you happy in your new home and blessed with new opportunities and friendships. Thankyou for sharing your heart, you are grace and love and it will come back around, Jilly

  15. HI Michelle, Oh how this ministers to me. These questions you have asked God I have asked so many times. I am just beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel as I have just set my face toward God and said, “No, matter what I am going forward until You bless me!” I feel like Jacob wrestling with God only I am on the other side where he is giving me a new name. I feel as if my limps have been multiplied over the years rather than in a single night. But, oh the glory of this other side and into the light. I am looking forward to walking in the light and staying close to the heart of God and being sheltered by the warmth of his countenance! Hallelujah. I believe in miracles and I believe God is doing a new thing in our land. I believe God is taking steps to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children and the hearts of the children to the Father. I believe we may be standing on the threshold of a revival like no other. If it took the pain I have experienced to get me to the place where I was willing to pray like I am praying now, then praise be to God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, who designed my heart, designed my tongue, and designed the order of my thoughts. I praise God that he has designed the order of your thoughts into the most beautifully healing words for the comfort of the hearts of those of us who have guarded our hearts in our search for the heart of God. Perhaps there is healing just in the discovery that whether we shared our hearts too freely or whether we held our hearts too close — God is able to keep that which we have given to him. Praise be to God from whom all blessings flow. Thank you, Michelle for your beautiful writing and for your beautiful sharing of your heart. Love, Sherry

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