The fear, I believe, is coming from a mixture of thoughts going through my head….my relationship with God, my children, my finances, my home, my future, it all is swirling around trying to fit together. I admit I have not been in the word as much as I usually am but there have been scriptures that come to mind I dwell on. Perhaps that is the key. Thoughts swirling around because there is no “glue” to hold them together. The glue being God’s Word. I know better and no one needs tell me that.
So much death in the news….perhaps without Christ. My own sister who passed 3 years ago in September of a drug overdose. …missing her and sick of hearing about the drug abuse in our country and in my own family. Missing the married life, while others are giving up on theirs. Disappointments in others, inadequacies of my own and an unknown future of our changing nation. It just goes on and on…nothing seems to come into focus. It is much like a slide show that everyone is making these days…slide in, wipe, flip, spiral, dissolve…all to the sound track of “While I’m Waiting” by John Waller.
I don’t want pity or sympathy, I want to step through a door to new possibilities. I have been praying for God to open some of those doors for me. For opportunities to see a new thing in my life. I desire that…maybe that is what this time in my life is for to make me thirsty for the new thing….. I want to be the tree planted by the waters, spreading my roots, not fearing the heat of life and is always green; not to worry about the drought and never failing to bear fruit… God’s word says that this is what you will be if you trust and have confidence in HIM!!!
So I wait, gray cloud or not. There are tears and smiles. There is bittersweet. There is anticipation. There is fear. There is hope.