Dear MSN Spaces Friends (Network, whatever!)
I was tired but could not sleep last night, so decided to get online and maybe post a blog. My mind was spinning with a few ideas that had been rolling around in my brain the last couple of days. I was getting excited about one idea but was having a hard time sorting out the thoughts. So I signed on and clicked on Hotmail like I always do, then I clicked on Spaces. All of sudden everything in my head was forgotten. I wasn’t sure where I was. Where had everything gone? It was all scattered.
I was too tired to figure it all out, let alone read anything so after a few minutes of asking "Where am I?" I just signed off. I checked it out again this morning for a short time but had a busy day at work and could not spend time investigating. Now that I have been able to go through some of the pages I am not so sure what I think. There are some things I like but some I don’t. For one, I feel disconnected from everyone. Friends I clicked on often are not where I like them to be. And the message/mail thing, iffy….everything is in a different place and that is not convenient.
I like the look of the photo albums and the Dynamic Themes on the profile but other than that I am not sure about the rest. It is definitely a different experience. I have a Facebook account but don’t much go on there because it is just too much stuff to deal with. Overwhelmingly annoying. I like meeting people on there but all the apps drive me crazy. So I do not spend much time there. My Space is ok for keeping up with the kids and their pics. And checking up on music groups I like. It is pretty easy and I have learned alot about html codes and stuff by using it.
But MSN felt like home to me. I felt comfortable here leaving my thoughts and sharing what God gives me from time to time. It has been a kind of therapy for me. Helping me to "lay out" the things that are interesting to me in my life. It’s like taking assessment of the things that make up my world-the lists. Being on here has helped me come out of my "shell" (no pun intended) Starting in 2004, my life spiraled into one devastating event after another for several years. Between the hurt, grieving and loss, I couldn’t remember who I was. I couldn’t figure out what I was about anymore. I even hit a "mid-life" crisis somewhere in there. When I first came on here to blog I didn’t see myself as really living. I was existing, getting through the days. But the desire of my heart was to stay faithful to God and to keep looking forward knowing that sooner or later things would get better. I honestly at times, thought I would never have a desire to dream again or even have a fullfilling life again.
As I look back through my past blogs, photos and lists I created I see how God has used it to help me gain a new sense of a part of myself. It has given me an outlet to be creative and to re-connect with the world so to speak. Yes, I know it is the Internet and meeting people on-line is not the same thing as meeting people face to face but when ones world changes from one existance to a totally different type of existance it is hard to get outside yourself. To feel safe again. The thing is I am a people-person and being an island is most definitely not my thing. And being a world traveler it often felt like I was traveling again, meeting friends from all over the world. That is exciting to me.
Kind of like the man in the Count of Monte Cristo. His whole world is taken from him in one moment and spends years in a prison. After years of isolation he makes an unexpected friend who teaches him to grow in knowledge and skills. When he gets his freedom, his world is 180 degrees changed from the life he knew before. While I have not been in prison, nor am I bitter and want revenge for the losses in my life, I can relate to the 180 degree change. God has been my friend throughout it all, especially in the loneliest times of my life. He has taught me to grow in knowledge of Him and given me skills I never even imagined I would need or use. On here, He has given me opportunity to share what He has taught me. He has given me a voice. And through this voice a new dream. To be a writer.
So there are changes on MSN…just like there have been changes in my life, just as there will be changes in the world as the days go by. I heard a saying once, "Always be flexible so that you will never be bent out of shape!" And I have truly tried to live by that…it has helped me avoid the stress in stressful situations. I think the idea is even better stated by King Solomon
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
If anyone was wondering where I am, I am standing on His Word, His promise and His merciful love!
Grace to all you fellow bloggers…