Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit. John 12:24
Life is so very fragile. One minute you are enjoying a moment and then the next your crying out to God in anguish. What makes life so filled with wonder or doubt? You can look at a newborn and see the intricacies of creation or pictures of the planets and stars in outer space, the never-ending vastness of it all. Every direction we look we see what the Creator has bestowed upon the earth.
From the moment He placed Adam in the garden to have dominion over and to care for His creation there was a divine plan set out before man. Adam did not have the ability to see forward into time and know what mankind would be capable of, nor did he know that death would soon enter into his conscience. Have you ever thought of what it must have been like for Adam before there was Eve? Did he feel his aloneness? While there was God, his Creator, his Fellowship, his Companion, his Teacher, his Giver, he was for all intent and purpose, utterly alone. God, himself, acknowledged that Adam was alone because He said, "It is not good that man should be alone…"
An ominous word to some. I have been wrestling with it again lately. Wrestling inwardly. I am not sure why. Oh, I could come up with a few sound reasons but I always see someone else worse off than I so when I say them out loud they fall to the ground with a thud. I sense something out of balance or something perhaps nagging at me. I can not put my finger on it. At first I thought it was fear, fear of the unknown. Being a single parent, the health and well being of my children, salvation of friends and family, my financial future, my church’s search for a new pastor, the direction of our country, my prayer list, all this overwhelming me at times. My mind tells me that God is not the author of fear and I must rebuke it in the name of Jesus. Which I do. But the nagging sensation will not leave.
A couple of Sunday’s ago a man, who is a missionary from our church, was preaching and he made a comment before his sermon, "The Lord has me in a holding pattern." I listened to his sermon which was much needed and very encouraging, however it was that comment I kept coming back to. And even now after several weeks, that remark has been rolling around in my head. That is it, I have been in a "holding pattern" so to speak, for going on 1 year or more, now. And frankly I am soooo ready to bust out….
A holding pattern. I have described it to some as being stuck in mud up to my neck. I can’t move one way or another. I still have my senses about me but physically I can’t move left, right, forward or backward. When I started to realize that back in September 2007, I resisted. Became frustrated and cried. Begged God to let me go. Then I realized it was of no use…so I resigned to it. The energy it took to resist was draining.
But then God nudged me…"I don’t want your resignation, I want your submission." Oh, my goodness, what else could I possibly submit. I have lost soooo much (this is in my head) and then you know what He said to me in my spirit? "To die is gain" Gain what, I ask, more mud? I am stuck in the mud and have no way to….and before I could finish that thought, God says again "Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit."
Ok, Ok already I get it…the choice is….stay standing, resist and be A-L-O-N-E or fall to ground (stuck in mud), die (to self, submit), bear fruit.
Stuck, slowly dying…guess I will see you in the spring when my fruit starts growing. I sure hope it is sweet!!!!!
God is good, all the time!!!
Grace to you