God is Love!

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Lately, I have been very shook up.  While God has been revealing himself to me every day in some small, intimate way, I have been simultaneously wondering what is going on around me.

The enemy is trying to defeat me through the very thing God has called me to be, a Mother.  Being a single mother, I have no back up, when it comes to my home.  I am it!  So if I fail them, which there are signs to that end, then what?

I have heard it said your children are a reflection of their parents.  If that is true, then I am in big trouble with the Lord.  I say that because I can not be objective, try as I might; there is no other point of view for me because I take everything personally.  That is my nature.

Just within the last 7 days, I feel as if I am actually losing my mind.  I pray and the heat gets hotter.  When I stop praying, I panic.  Every word that comes out of my mouth makes absolutely no sense to those around me (or to me for that matter).  It is like every door I walk to I find to be closed and locked.  Family, Friends, ministry, communicating with my children….it is a small room, just me and God!

Another thought occurred to me, God is just trying to remodel my heart?  Is He trying to “grow” me again?  Shake up those areas in my life that I have grown fearful in or selfish about.  I know God does not give us the “spirit of fear” but I am gripped with uncertainty in everything.  What ever this is, IT HURTS!

He wants my obedience, my faithfulness, of this I am sure.  But what specific area, I am hesitating to ask.  Not because of what it might be but I am unsure that I would have the strength and courage to obey or I won’t understand what it is He wants of me.  Does that make sense?  Frankly, it does not make sense to me because I know that God’s commands are clear.

So then what would make it hard for me to discern what His will is for me?  Sin in my life, lack of submission or complacency?  I just don’t know!  I need an objective eye…someone who will point out the places that are ok, the places that need improvement or change and the places that I just need to leave alone.

Here are the things that I do know right now…

·        He is present

·        He is faithful

·        He provides

·        He loves me

·        He loves my children

·        He is right

·        He is all I have!


6 thoughts on “God is Love!

  1. I so appreciate your honesty!  You are a blessing!  And from side of seeing, you are in a beautiful place!  And you already know what to do: hold on to HIM!
    And thank you so much for your prayers!!!  Wow!  What a difference the saints in light can make when they pray!!!
    Love you!!!
    Carol 🙂

  2. Your grasp of the burdens of faith is a struggle many of us fight with almost every waking moment.  Understanding God\’s conditional commands, and His unconditional commands is the key that will unlock many a mysterious door for you.  His grace is sufficient for us at all times, and to suffer these uncertainties is Satan\’s way of trying to convince you to take the easy road.  Always remember, following Christ is a path leading through many clouds and much darkness, but the light of His Holy Spirit will keep you firmly in the grasp of His strong right hand.  Life is full of compromise, but we all must discover just where to draw the line in the sand.  Keep praying, waiting, loving, and never, never surrender to Satan\’s temptation.  The evil prince of this world knows your love for Christ and he will use all powers of illusion, deception, and false promises to fill your head with thoughts racing as in a whirlwind.  Your faith and endurance will lead you the wearing of a "Crown of Life".  It always helps me to read the trials and tribulations of Job….the only man God gave Satan the permission to try and tempt away from faith.  Paul was struck blind for three days before he accepted Jesus and his savior, and other than John the Baptist, there was none greater or suffered more for the cause of Christ.  As your friend, I want you to live each moment for the pleasure of the moment, and do not worry about God\’s plan for you….He will tell you in His time and it will lift you of all earthly burdens.  God bless you sweet sister in Christ.

  3. I wish I could gather you up, give you a hug & a cup of tea, then send you off for a quiet nap, or better yet, take you off on vacation with me; it sounds to me like you are exhausted from the pressure of being the only parent.
    I can honestly say, as little as I know you personally, you have not failed your children as a mother; if you really had, you wouldn\’t even be concerned about this. Yes, the enemy is battling you & always will- but the more he fights you, the more you know that a great victory is at hand. Remain vigilant, but try to relax & trust God to handle the situation. 
    The best advise that I can offer is that although it is our calling to raise up our children in the Lord (living the life before them, feeding them the Word, grounding them in a fellowship of believers) in the end, we are not responsible for how they choose to live their lives. This has been a painful, but ultimately freeing, lesson I\’ve had to learn with my adult children, particularly my daughter; God has given her the same free will granted each of us, & while I can lead, teach, & guide, she will make her own choices & will have to pay the cost of those choices.  

  4. CarolLu is right…God loves our honesty.
    Big John is right…Resting in our Father\’s mercy and grace is sufficient.
    Yep…Just remind the enemy that you are a child of the most high God.
    We come in agreement with you that victories are at hand in Jesus name.
    Your faith in God has victory of your fears and your battles.
    You win with God…Amen

  5. Yeah, the garden is pretty amazing – if only the mosquitos and ticks and chiggers didn\’t like it so much too!  I\’m still itching from all the bug bites I collected from every place we stopped.  It\’s like they were making up for all those years they couldn\’t get to me – sheez!
    I want to say it was highway 77 or 72, but don\’t quote me on that.  I\’d have to look at an atlus to remember.  We were coming from Harlingen and heading to the hook up to I-40 in Shreveport.  It was too scary to stop there, I know that.  It\’s like with every exit it was hard to tell what I\’d be getting into, so I just kept driving…and we were sooooo hungry too!
    Have an awesome week!
    Love ya!!!
    Carol 🙂

  6. As I read your post, these excerpts from Psalm 46 came to mind:
    God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will we not fear though the earth be removed and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof, Selah. . . Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge.
    When we don\’t know what to do, we just need to be still and know that He is God. My wife\’s brother and his family are evangelists and recorded a song early in their mininstry called Be Still and Know I\’m God. It\’s message was this: Stand still and know I\’m God, I know the paths you\’ve trod. When you\’ve done all you can do, when in prayer you\’ve prayed through, stand still, I am still God.
    And, while we\’re in the Psalms (songs) I\’m reminded of another song that was recorded by the McKammies called God on The Mountain
    God on the Mountain
    Life is easy, when you\’re up on the mountain
    And you\’ve got peace of mind like you\’ve never known
    But then things change and you\’re down in the valley
    Don\’t lose faith for you\’re never alone
    The God of the mountain
    Is still God in the valley
    When things go wrong, He makes them right
    And the God of the good times
    Is still God in the bad times
    The God of the day is still God in the night
    We talk of faith when we\’re up on the mountain
    And talk comes easy when life\’s at its best
    But in the valley of trials and temptations
    That\’s when faith is really put to the test
    I know words are easily said, but I have to remember during times of tribulation that without knowing sorrow, how would we recognize joy? Without pain, would we know comfort? Jesus was not called the man of sorrows for nothing. He is touched by our infirmities. I know it sounds like I\’ve hit the jack pot on the juke box, but I\’m reminded of another song some dear friends, who are also evangelists sang called I\’ve Been There. The chorus, speaking from the perspective of Christ goes:  I\’ve been there; I\’ve faced those lonely trials; child, I\’ve been there, I\’m familiar with the miles. When you\’re walking through the valley of heartache once again, you\’re only going where I\’ve already been. It doesn\’t make our valley of heartache any easier, but it\’s good to know that Jesus has walked before us and created the way to victory. Faith is the victory. God\’s peace be on you today.

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