A few things, family….

"Blessed be the Lord, who daily loads us with benefits, the God of our salvation!"
Psalm 68:19

I got to witness God’s hand moving in my daughter’s life yesterday.  She is growing into a young woman and it seems her life is on fast forward with school, work and her personal life.  She wants her life to be better, she wants to healthy and whole.  But up until yesterday her idea of dealing with issues of life was bandaids.  As a mother, I want to rescue her, give her the answers and direct her decisions but as a woman, I know that I must let God be God in her life and draw her to himself.  She reached out to Him by allowing me to give her something of my experience and sharing His word with her.  She took a step toward taking responsibility for her relationship with Him.  And now my heart soars with praise for my faithful Father. 

I spoke with Ben, my oldest son, yesterday…he says my grandbaby (it is more fun to say my grandbaby than "his son" ) he  says, "Mama, he is so fussy and slobering everywhere"  I said, "Sounds like teething"  He said, "No wonder he is chewing on his pacifier." That conversation made me smile, so goes the cycle of our life. I remember telling my mom when my babies were little, of the little passages of their development. Little things like growing a first tooth becomes a milestone.  And blessed be to God, who orchestrates those wonderful moments that we often take for granted.  I am glad I got to share that with my son! 
My boys are something else, well let me just say they give me purpose beyond myself and definitely keep me from being selfish with my time.  They literally can exhaust me one moment and knock me over with laughter the next.  Esteban who is my serious one, as you can tell from the picture(he hates getting his picture taken), is sometimes hard to know what is going on inside his head.  But he is very insightful at times which gives me a different perspective to our life as a family.  Sammy has a tender heart toward the Lord and prayer.  He is the one that tugs my hand to go to the alter most times.  He prays  for all his family…the sweetest words.  He is also the witty one…just last week I was able to purchase a Toyota Sienna for cash.  I had been wanting one for 10 years.  The night I brought it home we were all sitting in it, admiring it and I said that God had finally, after 10 years, answered my prayer of getting a van.  Sam piped up, so nonchalantly "No mama, that is not true, I prayed 2 days ago in Sunday school for you to get a van"  I said, "you did not".  He said, "yes I did, you can ask my Sunday school teacher"

What was I thinking?  I should have asked Sam to ask God!   
Grace to you all

Warning!!! Out on a limb, with an open heart!

Being alone or being lonely….there is a difference, you know?  That has been a theme in my life lately…from sermons to bloggers.  I am trying to piece together all the info God is extending out to me. For some reason I am at a loss with what I am to do with it all…since I am in a place in my walk and phase in my life where I have not had as many people around me.  Mostly my kids and I believe that God has me here for a reason. They are the most important thing for me to focus on right now.  I know that for many years, as a young woman, I feared being alone and had to have many friends and loved ones around me, good or bad relationships.  How much energy and time I wasted seeking relationships just so I would not be alone.  For most of 2004 and 2005 my fear of being alone overwhelmed me, to the point of disregarding some of my Lords commandments. But lately, especially after traveling out to NC to visit my little grandbaby, I have had so much more peace about the aloneness in my life. 


I haven’t quite come to complete acceptance though.  I know this by the way I react to seeing a couple holding hands or having a romantic dinner.  Just the other day I had to deal with some residual resentment towards the one who made a vow to me in front of God and family that they would stay with me for better or worse and did not.  I had a conversation with myself in my mind after reading something that reminded me of him…."Where did that thought come from?"  "Why, now?"  "You forgave him."  I had to completely walk through the process again, of forgiving.  My jealous heart reared up and I found myself transported back to the day he left.  What causes us to remember as if it were yesterday?  So fresh was the memory and feeling.  It was then I realized that the place I was in now, lonely but not alone, was a God directed destination.  He is in control of my past, my present and my future.  The peace I have recently experienced is not from the presence of a relationship or the absence of one, it is from the simple fact that I know God knows where I have been, where I am and where I am going.  When He brings more people into my life again, I will not only be accepting and grateful, but more importantly more ready to give my companionship than to take it from them!  Until then I will enjoy my peace.  I pray peace to you as well!


Grace to You.


What a time!

The cutest little thing on God’s green earth!  That is my opinion, yes I know, but it just happens to be true!  I have spent 4 days with him and he is just precious.  He reminds me of his daddy because of the facial expressions he makes when he is sleeping. We even found pictures in Ben’s album that could be mistaken for Brodie…he is my son’s son!  I will probably have to wait till I get back to really tell you how I feel about being a grandmother.  So far it has been surreal.  There have been a few times where it has sunk in that my son is a father.  Then there are other times it doesn’t seem real. I wonder if my parents thought that?  I wondered if they questioned my ability as a parent or questioned their ability to train me to be a parent.  I think that is the one question that stays with me most…did I do a good enough job? Did I pass on the most important things he will need to raise his son?  It is hard to tell what kind of parent he will be since Brodie is just an infant…things change as they get older.  Children test your patience, they prove your character and bring out the good and bad of our personalities.  God knows what we have in us…I believe He fills in the gaps as long as we follow Him and do our best to honor him in raising them. 
"Raise up a child in the way he shall go and when he is old he shall not depart from it."
Well it has been a very restful trip and very exciting to be with this heaven sent baby! Praise Him for His wonderful works!
Grace to You