when I got saved…actually God had tried to draw me to Him twice before that.
Once when I was 14 and another time right before going to basic.
Thought I had made a profession of faith but then realized much later that I had
not trusted God with all my "sins"…I was too afraid to admit how bad
I really was. I
I was 23 yrs old when I went to basic training so being much older
than most of the girls in my flight, I could appreciate the
experience. I tried to walk as a Christian and believed I was doing
"good" but it lasted until my first assignment in Germany. The draw of
friendships and fun (drinking and partying) overcame what I knew in my
heart…not being discipled also played a part.
God had tried to keep
me on the path…my first room mate in the barracks was a born-again
believer and she invited me to church all the time and I kept putting
it off…ended up going only once. I met and married a guy I fell in
love with….I thought it would be forever….3 yrs later, when we were
stationed at Luke AFB, AZ he left me for another woman. I was 7 mos
pregnant with our second child and he just said "I don’t love you
anymore" and left. That was 1990, in 1991 my divorce was final and I
retrained, sending me to Shepherd AFB for school. It was there I told
God that when I got to my next assignment I would do 3 things: Quit
smoking cigarettes, potty train my 2 year old son and go back to
I actually did the first two without much trouble and He made it easy for me to go back to church…cuz my new neighbor invited me to her church…they had a Single Again ministry….I went and threw myself
into serving and learning the Word of God. I read it,
memorized it and even could teach it but the only trouble was, I did not have the joy and
peace everyone else had….I was spinning my wheels. I tried to apply the Word but it didn’t seem to "work". I started praying and asking God to show me what was wrong. Little did I know that the only prayer He hears from an unsaved person was the need for salvation, so I guess He heard me cuz He definitely showed me….
one year after going back to church I was in a revival meeting and the
preacher was preaching "You have to know that you know" He was preaching out of the book of Romans….I
had gone home that evening wondering if I knew and then I questioned
the fact the if I knew why would I be wondering? I called my best
friend back in AZ to talk to her (she had a 7 yr old son who had
Muscular Distrophy and he was dying…he had gotten sick that week and
was getting weaker and weaker) Anyway she was crying and telling me how
they were spending their time with him…she said he was lying on the
floor by the TV and was talking to him…and said to her "mommy, I am
going to meet Jesus soon in Heaven" She said he knew he was going to go
My heart was so broken for her and for the loss she was going to
face. They were a big part of my life. Her husband had been my
supervisor for 3 years and she helped me deliver my daughter when my
husband walked out…we had been through so much together and now her
son was dying. I was telling her "that Karl would be whole when he got
to heaven, that he would be able to walk" and she said that was the
only comforting thing about it…
Later when I hung up, a thought came
to me…"How did Karl know where he was going?" They were not church
goers and had never really heard them talk of the Lord Jesus or God for that
matter. I had long stopped going to church when I knew them so we
never really discussed it. That thought plagued me until the next
evening at church…and the preacher started preaching and when he said "You got to know
that you know" again, a light bulb went on…here a 7
year old boy who was dying knew where he was going and who would meet
him there…he had not studied the bible nor did he go to church but
yet he knew. And I knew in that moment that I did not. I did not know
where I would go when I died.
A force I can not describe pushed me out
into the isle and before I knew it I was going forward and confessing I
was a "sinner" and I needed to be saved…that I needed Christ to be Lord of my life….And at that very moment all
the scripture I had learned over the past year had clicked…but even
more amazing was the joy and peace that settled over my heart and
mind. I could rest! That was in Sept 1992 in Jacksonville, Arkansas.
And I have been growing and becoming more like Christ ever since!!!!
Growing, Changing, Tada! (1st blog on MSN Mar 1 2006)
Each day God adds a little more to the list of things He wants me to change. At first,l I saw the list getting longer. But yesterday I think I actually saw a few things checked off. I like making lists but I don’t always keep up with them. I usually will find them and rewrite them, leaving off a few things I accomplished and maybe adding a few new things. So the list never gets longer or shorter. It just changes.